The World's Most Boring/Interesting Couple

Drinking too much alcohol or seeing a pretty girl sometimes causes a constriction of the throat. When Arijit sees a pretty girl his voice rises two octaves and he squeaks something silly. Well trained in the ways of Americana, he says, "How's it going? Good," before walking away. Having nothing to talk about besides his finding her pretty, he repeats his squeaky hello everytime he sees her. While it is all very well for Arijit, everyone else tends to get bored after a while.

Marri however changed it all for Arijit. She was all that. After a year of "How's it goings," Arijit was able to talk to her. Similarly, after a year of The Honeymoon Years, Arijit is thinking that perhaps Marrijit start talking about other things. Despite the new baby we would like to keep our lives open to new experiences. Unfortunately we cannot join a book club because Ari is illiterate, and we cannot join a wine club because Marri is an alcoholic. Unlike the handsome couple of Eddie-Melissa we cannot do a triathalon because Marri will beat Ari and make him feel like less of a man, and that will be no good for the future upbringing of babyMarrijit. We are therefore drawing up a list of possible activities that will allow us to continue growing as human beings while not taking away from our new identity as parents.

a)Training for the Iditarod-- will be put on hold when Marri is pulled from nowhere to run for Veep.

b)Explore the possibilities of polygamy-- will require detailed watching of hit TV show "Big Love" starring the famous Chloe Sevigny ("Blue Bunny")

c)Return to school for PhD. program in Geographical Sciences and Urban Planning (*actually a new 'school' at ASU, the merging dictated by budget cuts)

d)Explore finances required to move to France so we can "live"-- having watched terrible DiCaprio-Winslet Oscar vehicle "Revolutionary Road"

e)Memorize Dante's Divine Comedy-- immortalize quest by remarking, "it was there".

f)Assassinate Kevin Smith to stop him directing films such as "Zack and Miri Make a Porno"-- caused Ari's crush on Elizabeth Banks to grow distinctly flaccid.

g)Think of hilarious jokes to make about the O'Bamas-- awwwwwwwwww!

h)Take up crocheting.

i)Work on being less crotchety.

j)Learn how to spell simple words

--Armed with these options it is only a matter of time before Marrijit once again becomes the cynosure of all eyes, the sparkling couple at every cocktail party, the chief party planning committee members, the love of everyone's lives, everyone's favorite wife-swapping fantasy.

k)Stop making sexually inappropriate remarks.