The World's Most Boring/Interesting Couple

Drinking too much alcohol or seeing a pretty girl sometimes causes a constriction of the throat. When Arijit sees a pretty girl his voice rises two octaves and he squeaks something silly. Well trained in the ways of Americana, he says, "How's it going? Good," before walking away. Having nothing to talk about besides his finding her pretty, he repeats his squeaky hello everytime he sees her. While it is all very well for Arijit, everyone else tends to get bored after a while.

Marri however changed it all for Arijit. She was all that. After a year of "How's it goings," Arijit was able to talk to her. Similarly, after a year of The Honeymoon Years, Arijit is thinking that perhaps Marrijit start talking about other things. Despite the new baby we would like to keep our lives open to new experiences. Unfortunately we cannot join a book club because Ari is illiterate, and we cannot join a wine club because Marri is an alcoholic. Unlike the handsome couple of Eddie-Melissa we cannot do a triathalon because Marri will beat Ari and make him feel like less of a man, and that will be no good for the future upbringing of babyMarrijit. We are therefore drawing up a list of possible activities that will allow us to continue growing as human beings while not taking away from our new identity as parents.

a)Training for the Iditarod-- will be put on hold when Marri is pulled from nowhere to run for Veep.

b)Explore the possibilities of polygamy-- will require detailed watching of hit TV show "Big Love" starring the famous Chloe Sevigny ("Blue Bunny")

c)Return to school for PhD. program in Geographical Sciences and Urban Planning (*actually a new 'school' at ASU, the merging dictated by budget cuts)

d)Explore finances required to move to France so we can "live"-- having watched terrible DiCaprio-Winslet Oscar vehicle "Revolutionary Road"

e)Memorize Dante's Divine Comedy-- immortalize quest by remarking, "it was there".

f)Assassinate Kevin Smith to stop him directing films such as "Zack and Miri Make a Porno"-- caused Ari's crush on Elizabeth Banks to grow distinctly flaccid.

g)Think of hilarious jokes to make about the O'Bamas-- awwwwwwwwww!

h)Take up crocheting.

i)Work on being less crotchety.

j)Learn how to spell simple words

--Armed with these options it is only a matter of time before Marrijit once again becomes the cynosure of all eyes, the sparkling couple at every cocktail party, the chief party planning committee members, the love of everyone's lives, everyone's favorite wife-swapping fantasy.

k)Stop making sexually inappropriate remarks.

Bluebloods & Elbow Patches

Today was Papa Ari's first day of class after yet another long break from school. While the baby wanted to come to class with Papa Ari, I was very strict and refused to let it leave the crib. It attempted to stomp its feet, but its knees (despite the Pilates) have not strengthened enough to allow it to stand. After a brief pitstop at the doctor's ("a small penis is nothing to worry about at this stage. He will undoubtedly be as famed a lover as his father"), Papa Ari arrived at class to discover that his favorite blazer no longer had an elbow patch, and also that moisturizer needed to be applied to elbows in winter (who knew?).

Papa Ari was also informed that he would never get a job given his present credentials. Unfortunately he Marri-ed for love instead of for money. Boo! Now I have to support this kid and his fashionably expensive Pilates classes.

Manzier

I use that. All the time. Every single day. Except when I'm feeding the baby. Then I take it off.

Death to Smoochy

Today, disaster struck.

In Hindu mythology there is a story about a wise man who found a little fish floundering in a puddle. He took it home and put it in a bowl. The next morning it had grown too big. He found a pond. Next morning it was too big. Then he took it to a lake. Same thing. Then the sea. Then the ocean. Eventually the fish saves the wise man (and 2 of every animal) from the flood. Besides the fact that white people stole this story and got rid of the fish, it is a lesson of some sort for us to learn from. All I know is that the little fish became god. The same thing has happened to Marrijit's (as yet unnamed) baby. The baby is huge, and Indian people think it is god.

I am sure several of you have some questions about this baby. Why is the baby darker than it used to be a few days ago? It is because I live in Arizona and I tan easily. Readers may ask, why is Arijit of Marrijit fame posting 3 times in succession, instead of an equal division of labor between him and his fair bride (in more ways than one)? It is because Marri has thrown out her back from carrying the fattie around.

What are we to do? I have suggested that we drive the baby to Nebraska and dump it there, because no state is going to believe this creature isn't at least 12. Marri didn't care as long as we didn't take it to Arkansas. Besides fat people and Bill Clinton, Arkansas is also famous for not letting gay people adopt. After a quick perusal of our 'Gay People Cliche's' dictionary, Marrijit has come to the conclusion that only a gay couple can redeem this fashionless foible of a human being.

We can also kill it. Just saying.

Vis a Vis a

In the life of each couple several thundershowers must necessarily occur. Even supposedly/seemingly perfect couples like Marrijit sometimes have trouble. "What," you say. "Nonsense. Everyone knows Marrijit is the bestest couple in the whole world." This is true, and I am not denying it, but the perfection was built slowly. Only recently has it gotten to the point where we are comfortable discussing it with our friends on the world wide interweb. We have revelled in our readers' love and affection, and the pointless musings on our relationship by Anonymous. But there is trouble in paradise now. Marrijit is on the verge of being in dire straits (much like the famous and confoundingly unpopular-in-America band) , the foundations are quivering. The new baby has changed everything. We have filled its little body with all the love we were capable of mustering up, and now Marrijit lies empty and drained.

We are getting old. Middle-age and its incipient responsibilities have overwhelmed us. After work we are sometimes so tired we can barely speak. Sometimes I think the baby is a pickle and try to put him in a sandwich. Sometimes Marri has an affair.

But we must be strong. We must persevere. And I will stop trying to kill the baby. Those are my new year's resolutions.

Triumphant Returns

You might wonder why we have not posted on this blog for nine months. Ask yourself a simple question-- what takes nine months? Yes, dear followers of the honeymooon years, your suspicions are correct. Here is our baby. He is a little undersized. And has a small penis. That happens sometimes. I'm sure size does not actually matter.

To give you an update: Marrijit is doing well. Marri is teaching little children, and Arijit is teaching big children, and we are changing the world while we're at it, just like our favorite politician Barack Obama said. There was a brief argument during which Arijit wanted to install Blagojevich as 'honeymoon years'' favorite politician, but healthy compromise once again won the day, and Marri got her way, so Barack is still our favorite politician.

Here is a bit of advice to all you single men on the manner of navigating a marriage: Marri always wins!

It's good to be back.