Poop

Babies poop.

Especially babies that look like this:



We are not worried. Our baby will grow up to look like Brad Pitt. Which is what you get when you average out Marri's incendiary hotness and my average lumpishness.

P-O-R-N-O-G-R-A-P-H-Y

Ha!

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes

Love is all around me. And everyday the feeling grows.

Not just a WetWetWet classic. It is, like all great art, the truth. It transcends mere pop music and becomes a part of your soul. It is Marrijit's 'song' (note: Marrijit has many songs. One or two of them might be by famous poet and thinker, Fergie). Like all couples, Marrijit has many traditions. Marri has already told you about our Friday the 13th tradition. We also have a Feb. 14th tradition in which we do laundry, eat Cheezits, comment on new gummi-bear flavors, marvel at string-cheese, and make a list of 14 things we love about each other (Marrijit loves making lists. It is our specialty).

Here are 14 reasons why Ari loves Marri.

1. She looks like this:



2. She does not know how to spell debonair
3. She knows that sometimes I like blondes and sometimes I like brunettes. That is why her hair color is always changing
4. She was instrumental in making 'The Play'
5. She still thinks its funny that Ari and Marri rhyme
6. She accepted my proposal the first time I asked her
7. She put this picture on the world wide interweb:



8. She gives me very good advice on cooking. And also constant encouragement
9. Sometimes she lets me use her to make girls jealous. (Corollary: I no longer need to make girls jealous because of the picture she put on the world wide interweb. Nowadays girls do not talk to me. Neverthemind, I have Marri)
10.She married me so I could get a green-card. Then we fell in love
11.She is the world's most famous softball poet. As writers our art holds us together
12.She once watched porn
13.She is not taller than me
14.She can kick my ass in a fight

Valentine's day bonus: She is perfect

To Work, Or Not Be Employed?

Today, Arijit attempted to create a "curriculum vitae" to position himself for job offers when he finishes his MFA program. Unfortunately, Arijit is not qualified for anything. His many credits include, "Can eat 15 Fireballs in one sitting", "Recipient of 'Farting up a storm' award", "Came 7th in 'Fat Boy Category' 100m dash in 8th grade Sports Day practise". Despite these imaginary accomplishments, Arijit's curriculum vitae is entirely lacking in length. The truth is that Arijit has done nothing in his life to merit a job. Most 14 year olds can get more jobs than him. But after many hours of soul-searching, 3 cries later, and some sweaty arm-pits firmly behind him, Arijit hit upon the perfect CV entries.

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE:
- Masterminded corporate merger of love conglomerate "Marrijit Inc."
- Planned and Implemented "GroupThink (Inc.)" with mom Missy Louie. Human Resources co-head; staffed 44 as-yet unhired staff.

Arijit is ready to provide for his family.

Oh, yea! Baby!

The World's Most Boring/Interesting Couple

Drinking too much alcohol or seeing a pretty girl sometimes causes a constriction of the throat. When Arijit sees a pretty girl his voice rises two octaves and he squeaks something silly. Well trained in the ways of Americana, he says, "How's it going? Good," before walking away. Having nothing to talk about besides his finding her pretty, he repeats his squeaky hello everytime he sees her. While it is all very well for Arijit, everyone else tends to get bored after a while.

Marri however changed it all for Arijit. She was all that. After a year of "How's it goings," Arijit was able to talk to her. Similarly, after a year of The Honeymoon Years, Arijit is thinking that perhaps Marrijit start talking about other things. Despite the new baby we would like to keep our lives open to new experiences. Unfortunately we cannot join a book club because Ari is illiterate, and we cannot join a wine club because Marri is an alcoholic. Unlike the handsome couple of Eddie-Melissa we cannot do a triathalon because Marri will beat Ari and make him feel like less of a man, and that will be no good for the future upbringing of babyMarrijit. We are therefore drawing up a list of possible activities that will allow us to continue growing as human beings while not taking away from our new identity as parents.

a)Training for the Iditarod-- will be put on hold when Marri is pulled from nowhere to run for Veep.

b)Explore the possibilities of polygamy-- will require detailed watching of hit TV show "Big Love" starring the famous Chloe Sevigny ("Blue Bunny")

c)Return to school for PhD. program in Geographical Sciences and Urban Planning (*actually a new 'school' at ASU, the merging dictated by budget cuts)

d)Explore finances required to move to France so we can "live"-- having watched terrible DiCaprio-Winslet Oscar vehicle "Revolutionary Road"

e)Memorize Dante's Divine Comedy-- immortalize quest by remarking, "it was there".

f)Assassinate Kevin Smith to stop him directing films such as "Zack and Miri Make a Porno"-- caused Ari's crush on Elizabeth Banks to grow distinctly flaccid.

g)Think of hilarious jokes to make about the O'Bamas-- awwwwwwwwww!

h)Take up crocheting.

i)Work on being less crotchety.

j)Learn how to spell simple words

--Armed with these options it is only a matter of time before Marrijit once again becomes the cynosure of all eyes, the sparkling couple at every cocktail party, the chief party planning committee members, the love of everyone's lives, everyone's favorite wife-swapping fantasy.

k)Stop making sexually inappropriate remarks.

Bluebloods & Elbow Patches

Today was Papa Ari's first day of class after yet another long break from school. While the baby wanted to come to class with Papa Ari, I was very strict and refused to let it leave the crib. It attempted to stomp its feet, but its knees (despite the Pilates) have not strengthened enough to allow it to stand. After a brief pitstop at the doctor's ("a small penis is nothing to worry about at this stage. He will undoubtedly be as famed a lover as his father"), Papa Ari arrived at class to discover that his favorite blazer no longer had an elbow patch, and also that moisturizer needed to be applied to elbows in winter (who knew?).

Papa Ari was also informed that he would never get a job given his present credentials. Unfortunately he Marri-ed for love instead of for money. Boo! Now I have to support this kid and his fashionably expensive Pilates classes.

Manzier

I use that. All the time. Every single day. Except when I'm feeding the baby. Then I take it off.